In A Second Chance
by McdreamyGotMeMcdazzled
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella goes to drinking and sleeping with men twice her age but Jake helps her grow out of that stage and eventually marry and have children. What will she do when Edward appears again 20 yrs later in away she may not be able to handle


I tried to live normally, I tried to forget but I could never forget the love I had for him. His words ran through my head every second of the day. All my thought went towards him. Did he really think it could be like he never existed that I could just forgot his velvety voice that sang me to sleep or his coldness of his skin against mine.

"_It would be like I never existed" _was the biggest lie. At first I couldn't do anything I had laid in bed all day every day, wake up screaming of the nightmares but soon I meet a friend who really helped me through it all or that's what I thought he was doing but everyone around me thought differently because my new friends wasn't a person or even a living thing. This friend came in a bottle and made me forget all about him; it made me be able to live without him.

It also changed who I was as a person. I stayed home and drank all day instead of going to school. I stayed out all night with guys I had just meet and even though Charlie would ground me or act more like the chef of police around me then my father he could not stop me, I my myself was unstoppable and truthfully didn't want to stop.

Here I was in a pub in Port Anglos a little pass tipsy searching for a man who could be rough with me and not care about my safety. I didn't like gentle, gentle reminded me of him. The way he use too barely hold me. He was so afraid he was going to crush me. These men weren't gentle that with some of them I would notice huge bruises the next day or be so sore I could barely move, but that was what I wanted.

I had found my next target when I notice who had just walked through the door of the pub. Jacob Black, he was always fallowing me around sitting in the back of the pub trying to stop me from leaving with the men there for months. Of course because his father being Charlie's best friend I'm guessing my father pays him to fallow me around town, try to stop me from what I do or the worse camping out these guys houses, but this time he didn't walk straight to the back of the pub. He came and sat on the stole right next to mine and ordered a rum and coke.

"Bells not tonight" I knew exactly what he was talking about when he said those words

Today, Edward left me exactly one year ago. Everybody thought this was the day I was full go to break down and do the worst, but my plans were the same ones I had every night. People don't get that this just is who I am now that I don't have any horrible plan to hurt myself.

"It's just a normal night, Black" I stated because to the new me it was.

"Bells please stop all this we miss the true you the shy clumsy Bella"

"Well you are looking at the true me "I told him and toke a sip of my drink.

"That's not true" Why did everyone in the whole town of Forks try to control me tell me who I should be and not be? Everyone else is who they want to be, so maybe this Bella isn't the best person to be, but this is what makes me happy. All I want to be is happy. "Well I'm here when you want my help" he stated, finished his drink, put money down and left the bar without another word.

It was 3 am and I was lying in the bed of the men I just meet two hours ago. The only thing I knew about this men was his name was Phil and that he wasn't a very good fuck. When he was fully a sleep I got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. I didn't notice much of the house when I had first entered it but that it was big and seem very expensive. As I reach the kitchen I notice the note on this man's fridge

_Dear Phil_

_My mother had just gotten out of a surgery from a stroke she suffered a few days ago so I'm flying out to see her with the kids. I didn't call you because I knew this trip was a very important for the business. I truly don't know when we will back I just want to be there for my mother. I have called the cleaning service to come every Wednesday and a cook to come every Tuesday to leave a week worth of meals for you. _

_Love _

_Kathy, Johnny, Kirsten _

_P.S. Love you more than anything xoxox_

I just slept with a man who a wife and just a wife. A wife that cares about him more than anything. How many of these men that I had been with had wives? What about the ones who got hotel rooms instead of taking me home? As I asked myself these question I finally observed the area I was in. Seeing the formula on the counter and the baby toys in the living room this wasn't no bachelor pad this was a home that a woman decorated and takes care of.

I snuck back to the bedroom hoping that he hadn't woken well I was gone. When I entered the room there see Phil butt naked snoring away. Was I a horrible person? It's not that I knew he was married. No I am not a horrible person I kept telling myself, but I couldn't believe myself, what I had really become who I was these days all because of one man?

I lay in this man's bed and I thought about the few words that Jacob had said to me tonight, but his last word where the ones that kept repeating in my head. Days after I found the note and questioned myself then still filled my mind _"I'm here when you want my help"_. Did I really need his help?

Days and weeks passes I was still in the pub every night drink. Getting so drunk I couldn't walk, but since that night I haven't once gone home with men. I spent all my nights wondering if I need help from him. I would hold my phone all night with his phone dialed but not once did I call. Jacob also stopped to come to patrol me. I knew deep inside he knew I was crumbling and he knew what would let him help me.

I remember Edward used to laugh at how huge of a crush Jacob had on me. Apparently he used to imagine ways to steal me from Edward. Was Jacob happy that he left me? Did he think he could have just take over Edwards spot in my heart? I was thinking so hard I didn't notice the man standing behind me until and tapped me on the shoulder.

"Are you Bella Swan" he said very drunk.

"Why do you ask?" men came up to me all the time asking me who I was but not already knowing my name.

"Why don't we go to my hotel room next door and make some ruckus sweet lady" A few weeks ago I would have said yes and made him lead the way but this time I declined like I have been for the past weeks

"Come on sweet Bella I hear you are the towns slut, I can pay if you want" at that very moment I finally that this wasn't that I really was shy clumsy Bella and that was who I want to be not the girl that gets around. I want help, I need help.

I finally did it I toke out my phone and dialed his number. It rung for what seemed for ever until when I was about to hang up.

Breathing was all I heard on the other line.

"Jacob I need help"


End file.
